The Hacker Known as 4chan
The Hacker Known as 4chan, also known simply as 4chan, is a mysterious anonymous hacker, content creator, and rival of famous YouTuber Draz. He favors quality over quantity, and as such, doesn't produce videos very often, relying solely on the alignment of various star systems within the observable universe to determine when to stop procrastinating and open Adobe Premiere Pro CS6: his video editing tool of choice. These star systems are of course monitored by a one-million line PHP script he wrote in a matter of minutes at the age of six. To this day, many PHP experts claim it to be the greatest, most well-written script to ever grace planet earth, some going so far as to compare it to the Moodle source code, which is also implemented in the language. Early Life Due to the mysterious nature of 4chan, not much is known about his early life. Autism Key to 4chan's success in the programming and hacking landscape is his autistic tendencies, allowing him to block out all sources of distraction by shrieking continuously. In doing so, experts say that both his PHP-writing and hacking abilities are increased by 35%, at the cost of the public's perception of the fabled hacker as many have been lead to believe that he's not in fact a PHP genius but a borderline retard. However, 4chan himself denies these accusations, boldly stating that autism is part of who he is, citing The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Hardon as a prime example of the capabilities of those who are mentally disabled. In an interview with MQ, he threatened to "hack off" the fingers of those who contended him, though many are unsure whether or not this was meant literally or figuratively. Hacking 4chan hacks predominantly using PHP, a general purpose scripting language that powers many of the sites on the internet today like Facebook and WordPress. 4chan saw potential in the language during his introduction to it at the age of 6 and later decided to re-purpose it into an elite hacking language that he considers to be "better than C#". Despite 4chan's supposed understanding of PHP, source code written by him has yet to be discovered. Many hypothesise that a public release would result in the security holes being patched faster, though neighborhood script kiddie xXx_s14y3r_xXx calls 4chan selfish and a "gay fag" for keeping his projects to himself. In 2014, 4chan was able to obtain sexually explicit photos of actress Jennifer Laurence from Apple's iCloud platform. The PHP code he wrote was able to bypass the company's Caesar cipher, giving him access to thousands of nudes not just from The Hunger Games star. These images where then shared on 4chan.org, an appreciation website named after the seasoned hacker, where thousands of newfag anons masturbated furiously to the blurry, potato-quality pictures. Videos Unbeknownst to many, 4chan occasionally uploads videos to his YouTube channel under the name "The Hacker Known as 4chan", all of which are unique, funny, and "totally better than Draz' fucking videos". Unlike his rival Draz, 4chan uses Adobe Premiere Pro CS6 for editing over the inferior, featureless Windows Movie Maker. Adobe Flash CS3 is also used occasionally for animations. Videos produced by the hacker address a variety of very broad but educational topics like plot twists, sci-fi, and cooking. Today As of the 10th of June, 2015, 4chan has 3 subscribers on his channel: # DragonPlegm # DragonPhlegm Second Channel # "matthew zinkovic" When asked why the majority of his subscribers (66.6%) were his rival Draz in an interview with MQ, 4chan became agitated and defecated himself, before ranting loudly about hardships faced due to his autism. When bodyguards attempted to diffuse the situation, 4chan curled up into a ball and proceeded to roll around the studio whilst groaning continuously. Onlookers likened the outburst to a "hilarious game of Sonic the Hedgehog".